


give him a universe

by thedead



Series: saiyan au [1]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Psychological Drama, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 07:09:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13359129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedead/pseuds/thedead
Summary: heavily breathing, Bardock was lying in bed and dreaming of a freaking peace in form of death.





	give him a universe

**Author's Note:**

> ok ughhh it's a translation of my own work that was originally written in russian, so yeah. i'm pretty sure this english version is loaded with grammar mistakes but yeah. it's my first time trying to write smth decent in english. 
> 
> https://ficbook.net/readfic/3889752
> 
> in my work, bardock is like a mix of himself from the movie and the minus. so keep that in mind.

The right wing of the sleeping compartment designed for lower class soldiers was like a vacuum — stuffy and unusually quiet. Half-empty corridors had an oppressive melancholy, while the bloody night sky lightened the shiny white doors of the capsule rooms, fitted with double bed. Rooms were glowing neon and the small windows on the right side of the doors reflected the lighting onto the glass pan.

Heavily breathing, Bardock was lying in bed and dreaming of a freaking peace in form of death.

There was barely any oxygen and feeling of being in a steam room, but Bardock isn't coming out because he is sick of everything. In his twenties, he wants to shred skull of intergalactic creatures and fill his belly with all sorts of bursting eighty-degree alcohol - not decomposing on sweaty bed sheets. He has a son (with the face of his mother), and instead of not giving a shit about anything, Bardock drives himself with senseless responsibility which is good for nothing.

Bardock is a master of creating middling trouble on a universal scale.

He is different from others and it sounds so pathetic that even thinking about it brings a feeling of disgust. But it's true, at least because when seeing Gine, his heart, fracturing several ribs, breaks free from his chest. Flies away from Vegeta and gets sucked into a black hole. It will certainly be a pain in the arse, at least because a heart is not a soul — living without it will be considerably difficult.

Tora laughs:

— You're in love.

Bardock curses:

— Fuck you and your delusions.

Love doesn't make you whine like a beaten dog, love doesn't feel like peeling skin layers off your bones, and certainly doesn't make you want to fly somewhere to another galaxy only to feel a relief of numbness. Love is supposed to make you feel butterflies in the stomach and a need for smashing faces. A wrong kind of love, as usual — everything he feels and touches goes upside down.

It all started with

— Give me a drink.

Borgos holds out a mug filled with alcohol, and Bardock drinks the rest it in one shot. He frowns and wants a snack to cut the taste, but when you're nineteen it's shameful to show that the taste buds are not yet accustomed to liquor. Bardock takes a cigarette which is lonely lying on a round table and quickly lights it with his finger.

— Well, have you seen her?

— How is she like?

— Better than mine anyway. With that kind of face.

Bardock frowns and drops himself on a free chair:

— I don't know, ordinary, I guess.

Saiyans don't have to think about building a family, their business is to quickly make an offspring in order to continue their missions, and Bardock hates this system of marriage. When turning seventeen, you will be given the name of your newly-made wife. You can smash your face against the sink, won't help anyway: if you don't breed within one month — no one is going to pat you on the head.

When Bardock comes in for the profile form, he is given the thinnest of all the folder lying on the table. The name says — Gine, and Bardock thinks of how stupid it sounds. Essentially there is anything that could catch his interest: Spruta's squad, lower class, and the power level is below average. As usual, rotten luck.

His inner voice whispers:

— What did you expect? A woman from the king's army?

But Bardock is angry because the least they could do is to show a simple picture of her. He tries to pretend he doesn't care, and with a face expressing dispassion, heads for the training field. A week later, his squad is called on some remote planet. Under Toma's ambiguous gaze Bardock hopelessly groans, and feels his heart beat raise because Sprouta's squad landed on the same planet. Suddenly he doesn't want to go anywhere even though it is a direct order from Frieza.

— Scared?

— Fucking not.

He tries not to turn himself in when sees seven capsules approaching the land. The look on his face is unreadable but the whole plan of stoic composure goes to hell when Spruta shakes his hand, saying something about the success of the mission, while with the corner of his eye catches the only girl among the soldiers in the background.

Gine has a face of an innocent child and her skin is as white as porcelain. She looks up at him and Bardock realizes that his self-control shatters into pieces when meets and drowns in her anthracite eyes, like two little universes without stars. She doesn't need any, she shines just as good. Gine ruffles her fingers through her messy hair and keeps her gaze lock on him even when Bardock hurriedly grabs Toma by his elbow to discuss the details of the landing. she knows Bardock has already counted down the days until the clearing to escape from the piercing gaze. Throughout the mission, he feels the burning gaze on his back, and when one's hands are stained with blood, all your wants results to a cold shower and a soft bed, not pity attempts of avoiding any conversations with an assigned bride. Bardock is trying not to get involved in anything because everything that he holds dear of will turn into fucking ashes.

— My name is Gine.

She swoops in like a fucking hawk upon its prey with her slanting eyes, but Bardock doesn't see in her any signs of arrogance, and that's definitely a good flash.

He wants to say:

— Please, go away.

But proceeds instead with a:

— Yeah, I'm Bardock, I gotta go.

The arrival on Vegeta doesn't bode anything good because the hide and seek game will be difficult to follow. He just wants to disappear when a few days later, he accidentally knocks Gine down. And those damned eyes the captors are followed by thin wrists. He can't run away anymore and curses all the Gods for his rotten luck and almost shouts "fuck all of you" but instead swallows the bitter saliva. Bardock chokes on his words and foolishly invites her to train in the lower block. She agrees, her cheeks turning slightly pink and his lips spread in a warm, unusual for a Saiyan, smile.

It turns out, that Gine is a terrible fighter and Bardock wonders how she even got into Spruta's squad. With an aggrieved mien, she proudly claims to be the brains of the operation and usually leads the tactical part of the mission. He smirks sourly and straightens his right hand to fix the white bandage on his head.

— That's hard to believe.

— How rude of you.

Gine turns her back abruptly and Bardock notices a small mole on her thin white neck. He is almost certain that the skin is woven with velvet, and already reaches out to touch the brown spot, but quickly moves his hand.

On the same evening, Seripa calls him an idiot. On the same evening, Bardock drinks until he passes out. his brain, like a broken music box, repeats:

_You don't need is. You were born alone and you will die alone on the battlefield._

But his heart aches when on the next day he sees a familiar head of messy hair. Self-destruction is something personal - the cabin has only room for one looser. And Bardock certainly doesn't want any stranger digging in his personal shit. He bows his head and prays to all gods to remain unnoticed, but fate has different perspectives on the issue, and Okara, a childhood friend, who is known for his hyperactivity, shouts his name loudly enough for the whole cafeteria to hear. Bardock feels like going to his guillotine. Okara brags of his wife, and from the conversation, Bardock learns that it's Spruta, that she's good at cooking and she is always on top.

— I thought she was gay, — Bardock says surprisingly.

Okara giggles and asks him about his marriage. Bardock tries to ignore the question, but Okara only becomes more assertive and Bardock blurs out that his wife died.  He suddenly wants to add a go fuck yourself. Bardock feels that he is suffocating when seeing Gine slowly arriving at his table. He excuses himself and rushes out of the cafeteria on a supersonic speed. He leans on a white wall of the building and breathes polluted air.

When swallowing, Bardock has the bitter taste of self-hatred. He wants to spit but instead swallows forcibly.

— You're acting like a child.

Seripa's voice is reproachful, angry and Bardock even flinches by surprise. He thinks that all Saiyan girls are birds—predators and their favorite treat is male gray matter.

— Just chill out.

The last thing he wants to hear is accusations from someone whose personal life on the verge of collapse, a fucking disaster.

— I just want to help, but you seem to think that everybody is your enemy.

Bardock grins and pulls out his crumpled cigarette:

— Yeah, help me, right. Try to help yourself first.

Seripa frowns sternly and folds her arms across her chest.

— I don't understand.

— Oh yes, you do.

At least half of the right wing of the lower class knew about Seripa's secret love interest and it seemed like only Okara turned a blind eye to the fact that his future wife spent most of the time in the women's capsule number nine. The capsule glows pink. Number nine belongs to Seripa. Spruta now has a ring on her tail and Seripa gags on her loneliness.

— I hate you.

Bardock grinds sadly:

— I’m afraid you’re not the only one.

He wants to add: myself included, but instead chews on his unbidden words.

— I can understand why.

Bardock deliberately ignores her and puts out the yellow cigarette against the white wall. The dirty spot reminds him of his life. He turns back to enter the building and hears Seripa's voice speaking:

— Stop playing around with the girl and act. If you won't do anything, I will.

— Don't take what doesn't belong to you.

Bardock couldn't see Seripa's weak smile. He knows the conversation is not over, but he runs away like a coward.

_youcantrunawayfromyourself_

When the night falls on Vegeta and the bars are filled with drunken bodies, Bardock and Toma drink their fourth glass to the fraternity. The alcohol burns his throat and following the habit, Barock lights a cigarette. When it hits your head with an iron hammer, the cigarette smoke suddenly becomes too sweet and the nicotinic tube feels like a sixth finger. He drinks his fifth cup by himself seizing the bitter taste with slightly salted pine nuts.

The Bartender tires to hit on him by batting her eyes. He looks straight at her and sees nothing but emptiness. For a brief second, he thinks there is a mirror standing. He feels the smell of disgust and tries to seize with a dry lemon. They start an awkwardly drunken conversation about life and through the haze of intoxication he notices the flaws in their similarities. Cumber has a strand of white hair and a forged iron bracelet on her hand. The horror of the situation sobers him with a burning shock.

Fuck, she's tailless.

Bardock intuitively shrinks and his whole look screams out:

— What for?

But Cumber gave him a sad smile and replied as if she could read minds:

— For treason.

Bardock feared that kind of punishment like he would fear a wrath of Gods. The tail deprivation was uniformly the most horrible penalty, after which the soldier loses his rank, his freedom of speech and choice and ends his days in a role of prostitutes and servants. People would atone their sins by debauchery and it has a long time become a common thing to do.

— Vegeta?

Cumber nods and shortly ads:

— Well, almost.

Bardock raises his eyebrows in a silent question.

— You know, the king's Advisor? In short, I was his bride.

— Were you in the king's retinue?

— Yeah.

— Don't bullshit. They might as well cut your tongue out.

He understands, that there is no use for her to lie. But, finding no other way to end the conversation, with the pitiful remnants of any sympathy, he gives her a clap on the shoulder. Like is he was saying: you'll get through it. He knows she won't. The glorious system eats any defiler, the lifetime was only a matter of time. A forgotten feeling of pity awakens in him and, suddenly, Bardock wants to trade places with Cumber. Just tell her "take my empty fate and live it, only let me live yours, you're too young to die." He remembers Gina and he suddenly wants to cry out of despair.

The next morning salutes him with a deafening siren sound that Bardock desperately tries to hide from burring his face in the pillow. When the female soothing voice asks all captains of the lower class and middle class to gather their squad at the entrance to the military base, he groans laboredly. It turns out that a riot has erupted on one of the conquered planet classified as "R". When Bardock arrives at the district with specially reserved for his unit capsules, he is given a small folder.

 

Third low-class squad: Bardock

Team members:

Toma

Seripa

Totepo

Panpukin

Special task "T1" — fighters evacuation from planet "Rigel"

Auxiliary units:

Fourth low-class squad: Pakcho

Seventh low-class squad: Lotus

Eighth low-class squad: Spruta

 

And he fucking breaks, because it looks more like a punishment rather than component units. Because she will be there, again, watching him over with her soft look and standing out with her sharp cheekbones. Toma puts his hand on Bardock's shoulder.

— There isn't really any escape from fate. 

— Fuck off, man. 

In his delirium, he shakes the hand of every squad leader and without looking at the rest of the fighters, sits in the capsule. a pleasant female tone gives him her greetings. Bardock is surprised that the lower class was given a task in the field of evacuation, but when the pre-recorded artificial voice lists the details of the landing, he isn't giving any importance to anymore. Bardock adjusts the temperature to a comfortable degree and closes his eyes, dry from the lack of sleep. 

When the capsule shakes at the touch with the ground, Bardock is already making a plan to infiltrate the city. The cold wind circles his head, but when hearing an explosion nearby, he is suddenly awoken. What he sees can be only compared with the civil war, but back then he was barely ten years old and wasn't really given any opportunity to fight. He would lay down in the med. compartment and saw things after which the food tasted bitter. He blurs out from his thoughts when Lotus screams, calling him in the direction of the capital.

 Some middle-class veteran, with a scar on his face, hits his back with the palm of his hand.

 — Welcome to the real battlefield.

It takes him about an hour to get there but seems like ten minutes. Bardock is no coward, but he feels like going insane, and the line dividing sanity from madness, is swiftly cut by Seripa's hand. When by the end of a war, young men would gather up in a bar and get drunk to unconsciousness, Bardock, with a childlike naivety thought that it was a manner of a victory celebration. It was only now that he understood — he was wrong. He suddenly remembers Cumber and with a shame, wants to take his wishes back. He has no want to think of Gine.

They retain the structure all the way to the epicenter and on arrival at the agreed meeting point, scatter in all directions. Explosions spread throughout the city, and the rubble stone houses are already flying towards his unit. Dodging is easy, but when seeing a young Saiyan lying under some ruins, he quickly pulls her from under the pile of stones. 

Someone from Pakcho's squad yells:

— We mustn't stop. 

He obeys the order by inertia.

A second, and they meet up the tenth squad. A second, and he hears an explosion. The smell of fumes is replaced by a sickly-sweet one and sees the charred body fall back. He sees a shiny brooch on a dead body and recognizes the leader of the squad, with whom he recently shared his booze. With a wild terror, Bardock holds back the desire to throw up.

_he mustn't stop_

Looking back, he notices how the local troops are fighting back more experienced fighters. Bardock is no coward but suddenly has a desire to run under crossfire. Or lie down on heavy stone slabs. Or fly into space through the atmosphere to be fucking splintered. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he hears hysterical cries of a child. A girl from a middle class disintegrates an arm of an Igel soldier and manages to give a high-five to her squad member. There is an explosion, and Bardock recognizes in it a scream of pain. 

The same fighter from the middle class was tossed aside, and now her head is already resting on the lap of a friend, squeezing her hand hard. He hears the muffled snatches of conversation from which he wants to run for the hills.

— Celeron, hold on, I'm going to take you to the medical bay. You're our team’s best fighter. I love you so freaking much.

— Why is everyone so silent? I’m cold. If there is anybody here, hold my hand. I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm sc-

Bardock is not crazy. He is going insane. Bardock is no coward but suddenly feels an urgent need to die when sees a large puddle of thick blood spread around Celeron’s head. He imagines his friends. He imagines Gina, who is still a child, who doesn’t really know how to fight. Bardock is no coward, no, he’s just in hell. 

He runs away from the scene of mourning with all haste, trying to ignore the loud crying in the background. Their army seems to win, but at this price would be better if they all died like flies. Seripa grabs his wrist and sends him to the neighbor headquarters, so he would, for God’s sake, wake up and do the work. He thinks she shouts, and suddenly Bardock admires her persistence. 

— You're a Saiyan or not? 

Bardock is not sure of who he really is anymore. Fucking weakling, because you don’t get used to that. Because this has to be washed off from memory by strong alcohol. Because this comes only in nightmares. He barely makes it to the appointed street, and finally starts the work. In the southern quarter, there is less slaughter and less death. Bardock realizes that Seripa took his place of evacuation on herself, and he suddenly wants to thank her for everything. The fighters evacuation to the safe camp goes almost silent — some of them are talking animatedly and drinking flat jokes with tincture from the jar. the explosion happens suddenly and in slow motion. one of them blew up a small building resembling a house. he laughs and shouts something like: "suck it, bitches".

When Bardock suites to the wreckage to check for anything, he suddenly tastes bitter nausea coming up his throat. There, covered in stone dust, lies a Gigel child. Still very young to be guilty of the rebellion. Still very young to die. Something snaps and Bardock’s fists meet the face of the explosion instigator. 

— What the fuck have you done? 

The fighter puts his hand on the bruise. 

— No, what have _you_ done! They’re enemies, and enemies need to be destroyed. You’re probably new to this, so be it, I’ll let it slid for this time. 

When Bardock is left alone with himself, he drops to his knees and grabs his head. Out of the corner of the building, a Gigel partisan runs up to him and shoots with a laser beam. He feels a sharp pain on the left side of his face and then, hears his own screams. It feels like every fucking cell of his face mournfully whines. As thick red gets in his eye, he thinks he is going blind. He hears a scream, a light hand on his sweaty neck and a familiar soft voice. 

— Get up.

If Bardock could, he'd cry right now. 

— Gine, I can't see anything. Gine, oh God, I-

— Come on, I need to get you to the infirmary.

— Gine, there is a child I... I'm so sorry.

Bardock slurs his words. Bardock slurs his thoughts. All of a sudden he wants to hug Gine and never let go of her until his own life finally comes to an end. Give him velvet, he’ll keep it. Give him a universe, he’ll steal it. Give him love, he’ll bury it.

— I know.

Bardock feels like falling into an icy abyss. That is the last thing he heard before passing out. 

He wakes up suddenly and with a jerk. The air is filled with a persistent smell of drugs, and he breaks into a cold sweat. Bardock feels someone's thin fingers plucking his greasy strands. He opens one eye and sees Gine, sitting in front of him. She has dark circles under the eyes, a large scar on her chin and a hazy look. His lips are dry, his throat scratchy, but he finds the strength to whisper:

— I'm such an idiot.

Gine gazes at him and gives a weak smile:

— That's not hard to believe. 

Bardock recalls their conversation and laughs quietly. Still offended.

— How was the, — Bardock stammers, — sweep?

— We killed every single one of them.

He makes a note of that instead of victory she speaks of death. Bardock grinds his teeth and tries to rid himself of thoughts about the loss of soldiers and the Gigel child.

— It's good, I guess.

— I guess.

Bardock takes his wounded hand out from under the thin blanket and gently touches her smooth cheek. The hole between his ribs, whines with such force that he thinks of spitting out the remnants of his heart. It all seems like a dream when on top of his hands Gine puts her warm, slightly dry palm. Staring, he responds to the touch, squeezing her fingers.

— This love, it hurts too much.

— It’s fine, we have a whole life ahead of us.

She smiles gently, almost lovingly and it feels like a fist punching in the pit of his stomach. On the third breath, Bardock chokes.

He wants to grab Gine by her fragile shoulders and shout:

— Stop it, get out of my life before it's too late.

But instead squeezes her hand even harder and 

— Yes


End file.
